On taking one for the Board:
Had occasion to lunch this week in Guarino's in Cleveland's Little Italy. Before I rip this place - can someone explain to me why apparently authentic-looking Italian places in the Midwest can serve such awful food? I have had truly terrible meals in Grand Rapids, Ann Arbor and now Cleveland in places that appeared quite promising in their way, but what they served
Lord help me.
Back to Guarino's - old dark place, front half is a bar. Back half has a bit of the Victorian whore house look - dangly, crystal lights, dark red, flocked wallpaper, black tablecloths with lace on top. You get it. Dark room on a sunny, beautiful spring day, and we were really hungry.
Settled on the Veal Piccata, and the son ordered the "Tri-pasta" three tiny servings of pasta on a plate. Gnocchi with Pesto, Fettucine Alfredo and Penne with meat sauce. Hey he is an adult, and reponsible for himself. I suppose I should have known when I saw this. He deemed this acceptable, and I deigned to sample it.
Mediocre bread arrived with butter pats - the son requested olive oil, and they brought him the oil and vinegar (another clue).
But wait, it gets better.
Veal Piccata is a frozen, breaded, deep-fried veal cutlet (I take it on faith that the meat was veal, but since they checked twice to assure I wanted the veal and not chicken, who knows - I sure could not tell), in a pool of gloppy sauce (lots of corn starch here) studded with capers. At least there was real caper flavor. It came with a side of Penne in "Marinara" sauce. Hunt's tomato sauce, I reckon, with the slightest touch of seasoning.
I am ashamed to say I ate it all, but in my defense, it was 2pm and this was the first food I had all day.
A question to you all - is this what all of Cleveland's Little Italy is like, or did I just pick really, really badly?
I forced the son to stop at Beirut in Toledo on the drive home, and am all better, now, thanks for your concern. Still great food, there. Maybe I need to stick with Middle Eastern food on these trips and avoid Italian?
Guarino's Restaurant (so you know what to avoid)
(216) 231-3100
(216) 721-6289
12309 Mayfield Rd
Cleveland, OH 44106
Beirut - It does not get a lot better - Kibbe in all its forms!
(419) 473-0885
4082 Monroe St
Toledo, OH 43606
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Feeling (south) loopy