Food fit for a funeral

HI,

I have been reading obituaries daily since I was 10 years old. While some may believe this is morbid, I love learning how people lived their lives well. I like the rituals of funerals, though so far I have gone to relatively few. The funerals I usually attend begin with a wake the evening before, the next day a brief viewing, church service, a rather lengthy trip to the cemetery, burial services and a reception afterwards, which is usually a luncheon

On the occasions where the deceased was a close family member, I will usually cook and bake food known to be loved by this branch of the family. When my Uncle died unexpectedly, no sooner was the phone conversation announcing his death concluded. I was filling a stock pot with water set to boil and cracking eggs into a mixing boil to make spaetzle and sauerkraut for my Aunt. When my maternal Grandparents died, I made Irish soda bread with lots of raisins, butter and homemade jams for the reception at the wake. For my paternal Grandfather’s funeral, I made my Grandmother’s recipes for apple cake and cheesecakes. Beyond these personal touches, the post burial receptions were held at a restaurant situated on the perimeter of the cemetery with rote meals at very reasonable prices.

My Maternal Grandparents are buried at All Saint's Cemetery on River Road. When my Grandmother died, the post funeral meal was at Kathryn's Restaurant. It was a poorly executed meal of fried chicken, overcooked roast beef and pasta. While it was well priced, near the cemetery and could be quickly arranged via the funeral director; who likely was on commission. There was no lift to our spirits from this communal meal. It was a depressing note at the end of a sad day.

My Grandfather had a massive heart attack while in a hospital. If he had been anywhere else, he would have died instantly. Instead he received a 3-day grace period before succumbing. It allowed him enough time to say good-bye, do a bit of rough justice and make final touches for his funeral with an emphasis on providing a very good meal to his friends and family.

The day he died I drove up River Road looking at restaurants before settling on Sassi's Italian Restaurant. In my pre-internet days, there was a Swede from mushroom club who loved good food and had recommended Sassi’s for a post foray meal. I ordered a family style meal beginning with minestrone soup, tossed salad, lemon chicken with pasta, fresh green beans and freshly filled cannollis. We opted for an open bar to allow people to get what they wanted. Most of the guests had expected the same-old Kathryn style luncheon, were delighted with our more carefully considered meal. Everyone left in a happier spirit than we had experienced at my Grandmother’s funeral.

My Uncle was cremated, which allowed the luncheon to immediately follow the church services. The meal was served in the fellowship hall of a monastery with soup followed by a plated lunch and dessert. The setting was austere and reverent with the meal underlying the sense of community coming together to support one another in their grief. Not surprisingly this is the branch of my family with this highest level of faith, which I don’t equal though I admire those who do.

My Paternal Grandfather was buried at St. Joseph’s at Belmont and Cumberland with a mariachi band present at the cemetery services. Other relatives planned the meal at Edelweiss Restaurant on Irving Park. Lunch was liver dumpling soup, wiener schnitzel, roast pork, braised red cabbage, spaetzle and a lot of other good food. It was a meal my Grandfather would have been proud to host, which in a sense he did.

I attended funerals in Kankakee and Waukegan, where the luncheons were in the meeting hall of the church. A battery of Church ladies brought homemade food from salads, to main courses and desserts. I don’t know if this was a benevolent arrangement or the family paid for this service. It just seemed touching to have a community come together to serve a homey meal for a bereaved group of friends and family.

A friend buried her Mother at Cedar Memorial in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. The cemetery was one-stop shopping for all the supplies and services for a funeral: florist, caskets, plot, clothing, chapels and family center with catering for the post committal meal. You had the option of using their caterer or bringing in your own food. My friend brought sandwiches, drinks and cookies for the viewing. For the post committal reception in mid-afternoon she used their caterer for serving desserts and coffee. For my friend and her children it was the first time they had attended a funeral where viewing, services, committal and closing reception were confined to the cemetery.

Why all these reflections on funerals and food? This has been burning in my mind for sometime now, especially the food aspect. I have this fear my funeral will be devoid of good food. Now mind you, I have no plans to check out any time soon. I just worry my family will do the food so out of step on how I conducted my life, that I will be profoundly embarrassed just spinning in my grave or swirling in a cloud of dust. Serviceable food like my Grandmother’s funeral is not the finale I want concluding the reflection of my life. I am also not interested in a grandiose meal with lots of puffery and pretense. I just want a well prepared meal with lots of love in the effort.

Last October, I went to Hungarian Epicurean in Hillside for a friend’s birthday meal. We had a long conversation with the owner, who founded Paprikash, about many things. I had noticed driving there his restaurant is situated in very close proximity to several cemeteries. I diplomatically inquired if he got any post funeral trade coming through. He had a wee twinkle in his eye and excused himself returning a few minutes later with several pages on funeral packages. I told him if I had reason to have a funeral in his area, then this would be my favored location.

Just down the street from Hungarian Epicurean is Great Neighborhood Restaurant Priscilla's Ultimate Soul Food Buffet, which would also get my approval for post funeral food. Unfortunately I am not likely to be delivered anywhere near these fine establishments.

In my odd way, I really look at this thread as a template to my family on ideas on where to conduct a decent post funeral repast, because as we all know, once we have checked out we cannot come back to direct traffic!

Since I am not going anywhere yet, I hope. I thought we could all share locations where better funeral meals could be had with creative solutions a plus, rather than find yourself in the lemming-like position of taking direction on dining choices from the funeral director. Where appropriate, please do advise which cemeteries are in the region.

Yours in very good health (though losing weight would be a plus!),

Seeing as it is across the street from St. Adalbert cemetery, the Polish banquet hall White Eagle has been in this line for a long time. (I see that just about the only other LTH mention of White Eagle also mentions it in the context of funerals.)

When my Grandfather-in-law passed in November, we continued the tradition on that side of the family of having a meal at White Eagle, and the food was fantastic, and the environment was perfect. Hearty family style meals of "Polish soul food" (as he was always fond of describing it). I can't recall the menu too specifically, but it was what you'd expect, and it was all good. It was perhaps "easier" because we were a relatively small group (less than two dozen) although White Eagle is designed to scale up to very large numbers. (Oddly, the banquet rooms where they would do bigger things were filled with some kind of retail clothing and accessory "fair" so we just ate in the restaurant.)

I'm not a specialist in Polish food, but I've always had good meals at White Eagle, and came away this time feeling like it shouldn't take a funeral to get me there.

White Eagle
6839 N. Milwaukee Ave.
Niles, IL
847-647-0660

C2,

Also right down the street from Pricilla's is Alpine Banquet Haus. It's my recollection that they only do funeral banquets. Unfortunately, I've had a few reasons to dine there in the past 10 years, but the food has always been fantastic, and the prefect meal to reflect on the individuals who'd passed on.

Flip

Southern Food and Beverage Museum wrote:A friend recently sent me the menu for the dinner he is planning to celebrate his life after he dies. He is leaving money in his will to pay for the dinner with instructions to carry out the dinner. It made me think about what sort of dinner I would like people to have to celebrate me after I am gone. I thought that I might want a big party instead of a dinner. A really good red wine would definitely be involved.

If I planned a post funeral menu for myself, I'd like a few days warning. To plan it far in advance would likely cause me to redraft it everytime I had a better idea.

Regards,

Cathy2, your initial post was extraordinary. Perhaps it's something to share with the next writing class?

An interesting post but not something most people think about. I guess I don't have any hopes or wishes for a post funeral lunch.....I'd want my family not to be under pressure at that time. My family is mostly buried in a large family plot in Eden Cemetary on Irving Pk. Rd. in Schiller Park where many of them lived. Post funeral lunches tend to be at the Great Escape in Schiller Park where they have a private room for larger parties. The food is decent but not necessary up to the standards of LTHF. They do have some good broasted chicken there.

My guess is there is a long list of restaurants that have grown up around the funeral lunch business in the Chicago area. I don't know of such a list but probably word of mouth, tradition, or recommendations of funeral directors are the way this info is provided.

The last funeral lunch I went to was my MIL's in March in Peoria and held at German Hall. My in laws were both very active in the German American Society ever since they were first married 60 years ago. The lunch was catered by the Society ladies and what I would expect of Peoria, cold sandwich fixings, several kinds of salads and desserts. It was a very large family gathering and we had brought whole albums of family photos that everyone enjoyed looking at and talking about. In Peoria, it's not about the food but about the family that gathers and that is a good memory.

LikestoEatout wrote:In Peoria, it's not about the food but about the family that gathers and that is a good memory.

That is always true.

Funerals are for the living to gather family and community to help the bereaved. People who declare, "No funeral for me!" may be missing the point for whom it may be. Those who forgo putting a notice in the paper fending modesty or suggesting nobody really cares. They put their loved ones in the position of announcing a death more times than they'd prefer.

While good food can help ease the soul, too. For me, it is my best contribution to these events.

My paternal grandfather would have been shocked to learn I gave his eulogy. I did evoke a food image into it, which caused a few cousins to gasp in surprise. My grandparent's and their parents often went to dances followed by late night meals. My Grandfather was the last of the quartet to leave. I suggested they were now gathered at a diner eating yet another meal of smothered pork chops together and exchanging news.

Regards,

A battery of Church ladies brought homemade food from salads, to main courses and desserts. I don’t know if this was a benevolent arrangement or the family paid for this service.

I grew up in central Ohio, where my parents were members of a Lutheran church. When my father died fifteen years ago, the church ladies sprang into what I assumed was well-oiled action, entirely benevolent. There was coffee and cookies at the reception at the church after the memorial service (he was cremated, so no cemetery visit). A delegation of church ladies took over our house during the service, took care of my younger son who was too little to attend the service, and produced and laid out a lunch for family and friends when we came back. This is one of the institutional aspects of congregational life that a non-churchgoer like me misses. Neighbors also brought in food for the luncheon, with some thought given to what would freeze if it wasn't used right away, what light food could be pulled out to offer to unexpected company, what would be comfort food for the family so that we would not need to cook. (One neighbor who grew up in Texas brought a whole sliced barbecued brisket, which became a favorite family recipe.)

In my parents' central Ohio town, going out to a restaurant was not such a regular thing as it is in Chicago. There's also a generational aspect to it; both my parents and my in-laws (Long Island) considered restaurant meals a treat, not a regular part of the weekly meal rotation.

When my mother died several years ago, after my brother and I and our spouses left the nursing home where she had been living, it was the most natural thing for us to share a meal together before going our separate ways. A few weeks later we had a small family gathering in her honor at my house, and it seemed right to buy our mother's favorite foods to remember her by, things we had eaten with her many times: several great cheeses, and the first time I bought the Whole Foods trout spread, which I had frequently sampled but always thought of as too pricey (trout having been one of her favorite foods). We have a lot of fond memories of foods eaten together; my mother loved trying something new, and it was taken for granted if she and I were shopping together in the 1970s that if the grocery had a fruit or vegetable we had not eaten before, we would of course buy it (this being in the days and in a place when many things we take for granted now were unheard of).

So many happy memories are associated with eating good food with people we care about.

On my husband's side of the family. unfortunately, the same is not true. We are having a family gathering this summer in memory of his mother, and it would be a fine thing if we could center it on the food that she loved, especially since we are not religious, so that will not be a focal point, and the family members are not especially fond of one another, and so there will not be lots of delightful story-telling. My primary food memories related to the family are of competitions to see who could eat the least (staying at a nice resort together for a week, and my sister-in-law ate mostly steamed broccoli as a full meal, and my mother-in-law had nothing but a dry baked potato).

* Question: how do I get the quote to include the name of the person I am quoting?

Judy H wrote:* Question: how do I get the quote to include the name of the person I am quoting?[/size]

When I made this post, instead of clicking "post reply", I clicked "quote" at the bottom of your post. That opens up the same box to post a reply, only it appears with your quote at the top. Also, quotes begin with a phrase in brackets that begins a little something like this: quote="Judy H"
so you can duplicate this yourself by typing that with the other poster's name and ending the quote with this in brackets: /quote

Hope that helps! If I'm wrong, please correct me, mods.

Pie Lady wrote:

Judy H wrote:* Question: how do I get the quote to include the name of the person I am quoting?

When I made this post, instead of clicking "post reply", I clicked "quote" at the bottom of your post.

Hope that helps! If I'm wrong, please correct me, mods.

Thank you, Pie Lady!

Hi- As some of you know, I grew up on a fruit farm in SW Michigan. In smaller towns, if the deceased person was a member of a church, it was common for somebody in the church to gather the troops, and have them provide food after the funeral took place. When my father died, we called the minister to inform him, and he told us to call Millie, who was in charge of most of the things that went on at the church, so she could get everything organized. The church women brought food, and beverage, and set everything up. We provided a few meat trays, and loafs of bread for sandwiches. We did the same thing when my mother died.

I have never been to a funeral in a small town, where everybody gathered at a restaurant afterward. The majority of the funerals I have been to in the Chicago area, have had a gathering at a restaurant afterward. I think it is just harder to get the troops mobilized when there are 500 members of a church, as opposed to 150-200. When the funeral takes place in a small church, all of the members of the church know the deceased person. Hope this helps, Nancy

NFriday wrote:I think it is just harder to get the troops mobilized when there are 500 members of a church, as opposed to 150-200.

Larger congregations generally have very active committee structures, so I would be surprised if the problem is getting the volunteers mobilized. I think the culture around restaurants, and around inviting people into your home, is different in smaller towns.

It may also be ethnic! I come from a cheap, restrained people -- I had no idea weddings might involve a meal until I went away to college. I thought little dishes of mints and mixed nuts, and coffee and punch was about all the food a person might expect at a wedding. (In addition to cake, of course.)

Hi- I agree that people in small towns are more likely to reach out to somebody in need. When word got out that my father had terminal cancer, all kinds of relatives, neighbors, and people from the church stopped by to visit with him, and let him know that they were available if he needed anything. Shortly after he died, several people that lived in the neighborhood, brought food for us.

I just don't see people doing things like that in larger towns. The only bad thing about living in a small town, is that everybody knows your business.

BTW- I have not been to a wedding reception that took place in the church basement, and only had cake, buts, and mints in 30 years. I am a big fan of the Tightwad Gazette series of books, but the author of the books, had a potluck reception at her wedding. I would never expect my guests to furnish all the food for my wedding. Hope this helps, Nancy

Nancy,

You might enjoy this oldie but goodie thread: Wedding without a full meal?

Regards,

My uncle just passed away this last weekend and with the funeral this weekend i'm trying to help my family to find a nice place near St Joseph cemetery at Belmont & Cumberland in River Grove.

I saw Edleweiss on Yelp and then read that Cathy2 had been here for a funeral luncheon. It looks like a very nice place and I was wondering if anyone had an other suggestions in case they are not available, just in case. We will hopefully end up going there and it's fitting because my uncle was of German heritage, though he was a lover of all good foods!

Here are a few of the places I found online I thought might work as well that are close by. Any thoughts are truly appreciated, thank you.


Jim & Pete’s – Italian/Pizzeria – Luncheon menu
http://www.yelp.com/biz/jim-and-petes-r ... mwood-park

Jolly Inn Banquets – Polish banquet
http://www.yelp.com/biz/jolly-inn-resta ... et%20halls

Elmcrest banquets by Biancalana – Italian banquet hall
http://www.yelp.com/biz/elmcrest-banque ... et%20halls

Hi,

On Harlem Avenue, there is Caponies for pizza. You are not far from Riviera, where you might pick up Italian deli for the wake. There is no seating, though they make terrific sandwiches.

Agostino for Italian might be suitable.

Praises for Jim & Pete's

You might want to consider:

Russell's BBQ
1621 N Thatcher Ave
Elmwood Park, IL 60707
(708) 453-7065
http://www.russellsbarbecue.com

I hope you were able to get into Edelweiss.

Regards,

Thanks, Cathy. I'm going to forward some of the suggestions to my cousins and see what want to do.

Robert Spiegel's obituary

...
Bedside vigil was fueled by lively conversation, background music of Jimmy Buffet and Bob Marley, chicken curry and the occasional smuggled glass of Glenlivet.
...
A celebration of Robert Spiegel's life will be held this spring (date and time to be announced) at Central Connecticut State University. Spicy food and good single malt will be served, casual attire expected.
...

I've been to a lot of small town funerals and post funeral lunches. In general, the tighter knit the community, the greater the hospitality. Some of the post funeral potlucks I've been to would have made Cathy2's toes curl with envy! Generally, the ladies of the church have a committee to handle the occasion, and the lunch occurs in the church's Fellowship Hall. The task usually falls to the retirees of the church, as they are not working during the post funeral time. I've seen many mourners come up from their depth of sadness to bask in the love of family and friends while sharing comfort food.

My friend's father passed away, and we'll be attending the wake. I wanted to bring our friend some food, and the first thing that came to mind was lasagne. I guess the only lasagne recipe I used was one from Betty Crocker; it has Italian sausage and three cheeses, thus it's delicious, but there are no veggies in it. It would be nice to have meat/veg/starch all in one so all he has to do is cut, plate, nuke.

Since I won't be able to taste it, does anyone have a good foolproof lasagne recipe? Or another casserole that would be a good gift? Nothing too unusual, please.

Thanks!

PS I think there is another thread like this but I don't know where it is. Feel free to move...

Pie Lady wrote:...lasagne recipe I used was one from Betty Crocker; it has Italian sausage and three cheeses, thus it's delicious, but there are no veggies in it. It would be nice to have meat/veg/starch all in one so all he has to do is cut, plate, nuke.

Since I won't be able to taste it, does anyone have a good foolproof lasagne recipe?...

I don't have a recipe, per se, but lasagne is very tolerant. I regularly add in spinach, mushrooms, sauteed cooked winter squash or zucchini. For spinach, make sure it's chopped up and well drained (squeeze in a cloth, or push hard on a colander, etc). I mix it in with the ricotta, but I think you could layer it in as well. For butternut squash, mash it up and dollop it on. You'll need less tomato sauce, and it will skew sweet so you might want to use a bechamel sauce in the middle. Treat mushrooms like your sausage - make sure they give up all their water and become dry. Zucchini layer in there like meat - again, make sure it's really drained.

I love making lasagna with a mix of kale, chard and onion. Chop it all up, saute it til wilted, layer in with the rest of your ingredients--delicious!

I also make a dish with slices of sourdough bread, tomatoes, parm and that same mix, also in layers that is unbelievably good. Can't wait til summer!

I bought some spinach but didn't use all of it, just in case these folks hated spinach. I believe I crumbled the sausage and browned it with the onion, then added the tomaters and seasonings, wilted the spinach in that, then layered it as the recipe suggested. A little sauce, noodles, ricotta mixture, repeat but with most of the spinach this time, repeat, top with the more tomato sauce (there was not enough in the original recipe), mozzarella and parmesan.

I don't know how many people ate it, but at least three people thought it was delicious. Thanks all!

And I bought a neato 11x9-ish foil pan at the dollar store on Oakton, just east of Skokie Blvd., which had metal handles that curved under the pan for extra strength. This was a really nice pan and just the right length for the lasagna noodles. There were lids that didn't really go with it but ended up fitting perfectly.

Hi,

At this link for Funeral sandwiches, there is a how-to make this sandwich. There was also a sidebar discussion about funeral potatoes. When someone asked why they were called funeral potatoes, "it just means it feeds a "crowd"."

When judging recipes at the Missouri State Fair, one contestant submitted "ham salad" made from ground up bologna and no ham. A friend from South Dakota magazine reported this same "ham salad" is also known as funeral spread. This contestant's history and recipe can be found here.

Regards,

The last funeral I was at was for an in-law of an in-law, and at the end of the service at the cemetary the director said that this concludes our services. And then stunned silence as the 30-some people stood there waiting for somebody to announce where lunch was going to be held, which never came. Very uncomfortable few minutes.

What, no lime jello with carrot shreds in it?

When I was growing up, my mom always made the same thing for funerals: Teddie's Apple Cake, which is a somewhat famous New York Times recipe. In fact, in our family, we just call it funeral cake. I've made two this apple season (not for funerals) and need make another one this weekend. Great recipe if you haven't previously tried it.

Bring a 'ch-ello' to the funeral

...
A couple months later, I was asked to bring a salad for another funeral. Salad around here doesn’t mean leafy greens from your garden. A hearty pasta salad qualifies, but Jell-O is the most widely accepted form of salad. Add a can of fruit to Jell-O and you have a salad. Gelatin has a long shelf life, and when fresh produce wasn’t available in the long winters on the prairie, a can of fruit and a box of Jell-O transformed into a salad.
...

This is one of the best explanations why jello is considered a salad.

Regards,

Last write-ups celebrate late, great talent in Maine kitchens In obituaries, families remember their loved ones for their fudge, or pies, or turkey and dumpling soup.

I told my friend Joe I was working on this story. He gave me an odd look and then wryly suggested a line for my tombstone: “Past her sell-by date.” If I behave well in this realm, perhaps I’ll get to cook with these ladies in a great big kitchen in the sky in the next, earthly cares left far behind. Still, please promise me this – there will be good food at my funeral.

The last sentence is what I hope for, too.

Regards,