Muerto Carne

So I'm driving down the street, windows open, enjoying the sunny South Florida day and I catch a whiff of something delicious. Roasting meat, smoke, fat dripping on an open fire, pure meaty goodness that starts my salivary glands working overtime.

Hunger sets in, I look around for the source of the delicious smell and my eyes rest on .. Brooks Cremations.

A number of things cross my mind at once, mainly disgust mixed with just the tiniest bit of curiosity. I mean, after all, it does smell wonderful.

Just as I was thinking of ringing up Dave Hammond on the cell phone for further amplification on his Cannibalism post I spot, much to my relief, Pollo Tropical, a grilled chicken emporium. All my slightly off kilter, Gary Dalmer like thoughts go back in the box best kept in the dark recesses of my mind, and I pull into Pollo's parking lot.

I'd like to be able to say Pollo Tropical ate as good as it smelled, but that was not the case. Dry, mostly flavorless chicken, salty rice, salty black beans, guava BBQ sauce that would have been flavorless, aside from a hint of li*uid sm*ke, curry BBQ sauce that was mainly mayonnaise and cold, oddly sweet, bread rolls.

Maybe I should have stopped at Brooks after all.

Enjoy,
Gary

Postscript: I hear there was a big snow storm in Chicago, 82 and sunny in the land of bad drivers and oranges.

Ultimate One,

So you did ascertain that the good smell actually WAS coming from the chicken joint, right?

Weather here has been not so good; you picked a good time to leave.

Hammond

Dear Gary J. Dahlmer,

Until last year, I had a very large cast iron boiler for heating the house. The guy who maintained and repaired our furnace also worked on crematoriums. So naturally the conversation would occasionally evolve into the dismal trade. After some prodding, dare I say persistence and a promise not to flee with the answer, the guy admitted a cremating body smelled like a beef roast. There would be occasional popping noises as the fat liquifies and spits. He also said they tended to have air scrubbers on exiting fumes to remove the provocative odor.

They really don't want you salivating like Pavlov's pooch while driving by!

Regards,

I'm adding a new line to the section in my will covering my cremation indicating that I want to be brined first. CI recommends it.

Bill/SFNM

Smells like roast beef?

Well, maybe if your receipe calls for a beef roast that is cooked at 1800 degrees...with a casket (or box container), dressed in its Sunday goin' to meetin' suit and with all its entrails and other organs intact.

Well, maybe if your receipe calls for a beef roast that is cooked at 1800 degrees...with a casket (or box container), dressed in its Sunday goin' to meetin' suit and with all its entrails and other organs intact.

"Roast beef" is what the guy said, there may be early stages in the cremation process where this may be true. He could also be sparing me the truth. Once you hit searing temperatures of 1800, well you are just dust.

Truthfully, I will be happy to live in a cloud of denial believing I went out smelling like a roast beef. The alternative is finding the mouldering bit of forgotten food in the rear of the refrigerator.

So much for morbid thoughts ... too bad the chicken wasn't as good as the enticing odors.

Regards,

Gary Dalmer like thoughts

Chuckle.

Jeffrey Dahmer, perhaps?

Sorry to hear about Pollo Tropical. I like to maintain this illusion that somewhere there is a really good fast food chain, just not here. There goes another candidate.